Wow, time definitely flies..
Without I realize, today is my second birthday in Bandung.. A city I love since my college years..even though familiar faces from my college days one-by-one left me alone in this city, but the fact remains.. I never regret my decision coming back here. In my solitude I learn a whole lot about my self, get to know my upside, but especially my downside.. Bandung is like my sanctuary, where I can think. Something that the busy, fast-paced city of Jakarta can’t provide. Maybe it’s not the city but the lack of familiar faces hence the decline in social activities which makes me have lots of time to be alone and reflects. Whatever it is, I feel a sense of peace that I didn’t quite get in Jakarta. I hope to retire here someday.. That will be a bliss.
Anyway, today is my birthday. Thus, I decided to vary from my usual bedtime at 10pm and stay up late to watch the clock ticks by towards 00.00 am on 25 September 2010, which would be the day I turn 20-something (hush..it a secret :p). My purpose is no other than to think and reflect. I thought about my 20-something of existence. In what way have I grown? To what person have I become? In what things haven’t I changed at all?
My realization is not entirely pleasing. It has been a year of revelation for me. It’s through my years in Bandung that I realize my biggest weakness, which is my underlying character since adolescence is still haven’t been cured. The one thing that I thought I have put under control after I got older. My temper. I had long since realized that I was a fire-cracker. I snapped at the slightest irritation. It’s not a desirable trait, I know. That’s why I’ve been fighting it nearly forever. I’ve lost friends and loved ones because of it. Only a few of those people survive and still hanging tough. They are my families (no wonder right? :p) and my best friend. To them I’ll be forever grateful for they have made me a better person. I managed to have a tight leash on my temper when I’m at work or around familiar faces. But it’s here in my solitude, that I realize that the fight is far from over. But it is somewhat a good revelation, I think. I always believe the farther down you are, the more room you have for improvement. I am grateful that this eye-opener came at my 20-something age, not when I’m 30-ish or 40-ish where it would have been an acute disease and more difficult to cure. I turn to God and my loved ones for this, and it will be my Big resolution for my next birthday. 🙂
I realize also that I’m in another turning point in my life. I’ve realized my life mission that I have prolonged for sometime. I’ve been procrastinating a lot, focusing my energies not in the place that matters. I have not been living in alignment with my mission and my dreams. I’ve been sleepwalking my life away. Even after I realized my life mission and my goals, I still sometimes go back to my old self and my passive approach of live, living on a day to day basis, whatever will be will be, doing non-value added activities. It’s an ongoing self-development process, I think, to be able to consistently living in alignment with your purpose. That will be another of my resolution. I will invest more time on ME, on my purpose, on what matters.
On that note, I take a look at the clock… 58..59..60!
Happy Birthday Yuwana Stiani!!
May you always remember to reflect and learn from the passing years, and carry on with the determination and motivation to make the following years of your life better than the last.
Every breath you take is a gift from HIM. Make it matters.
“The purpose of life is not to be happy, but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, and to have made a difference” – Leo Rosten
“The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it” – William James