All posts by yuwanastiani

I'm from Indonesia and proud of it! I don't like to define my self, so feel free roam through my writings and find out for yourself. :) I may not be an excellent writer nor am I poetic person. I’m just a simple girl who has this BIG dream of making her life meaningful to others. Maybe, through putting my thoughts into words.. then words into sentences.. and then put them all together in a structured paragraphs.. I’ll be able to take my first step on this long journey towards my dreams. Basically this blog is about my experience, my thoughts, and the things that inspired me. Hopefully, it will inspire you too. Happy reading. :)

FC Barcelona: My current obsession!


At last.. It came..

The package I’ve been waiting for almost a week.

The most expensive piece of clothing I ever bought in my entire life!


With Lionel Messi’s name and number 10, printed on the back. How cool is that! *dance

I know most people would think that I’m way over my head. How can I bought something which price maybe is ten times more than the actual cost, or 6 times more than the market price of a regular football shirt with the same quality? That amount of money can buy a lot of things! I know.. I know.. It may seems unreasonable, and I don’t think that there will ever be a reasonable explanation for it. It is what it is. An emotional purchase! An act of passion on my part. Though I refuse to say that it was an impulse buy. I always know that I would get an Authentic Barcelona Home Shirt someday. It was an € 18 discount on FC Barcelona online store for Messi’s printing that droves me to make a decision the buy it Now! And bought it I did. Now, it became the most expensive piece of clothing in my closet. And I couldn’t be happier! 😀


I started to become a fan of FC Barcelona, a football club from Catalonia, Spain, about 8 months ago, right after the 2010 World Cup. I have known Barcelona for a long time as a leading football club in Spanish La Liga, from the time of Ronaldo and Thierry Henry. I also knew the buzz about the new Maradona, Lionel Messi, who was the rising star of the club. I even support them on the 2010 Champions League Semi Final against Inter Milan, just because I hate Inter (Sorry Inter Milan supporters, but I am an AC Milan fan. ;p). But I loooove the Spanish National Team, and I support them whole-heartedly on the 2010 World Cup. The day that they won the World Cup, I went about without sleep for 23 hours, just because of the euphoria. So, naturally, because more than half of the Spanish National Team starters belongs to FC Barcelona, I started to rigorously watch Barcelona on the Spanish League. And OMG, they completely blew me away!


They are the showcase of talents, meets team spirit, meets harmony, meets honor, meets history. They play beautiful attacking football, with accurate short passing from feet-to-feet that gets you shouting ‘Ooh’, ‘Ahh’ and ‘Wow!’. Recently, they are considered the Best Club in the World that displays Modern Total Football. And of course, you can’t love Barcelona without being in love with their leading striker, Lionel Messi. Currently voted best football player in the world for two years in a row, Messi is the epitome of football genius. I’ve never seen a club this good and a player (Messi) this great in my 15 years of loving football! I can’t get enough of them. I watched every game, every replay, every updates and news of them. There’s not a day without me going through their websites or facebook page for new updates. I joined their fan club. I have their wallpaper all over my gadgets (Blackberry, laptop, etc).

So basically, I AM Obsessed!!


I don’t want to over analyze my behavior. I got this way every now and then when I encountered something that I considered GREAT. I am very enthusiastic about the things I love. They say that people love to be associated with Great things because it allows them to feel that they are a part of Greatness. I do feel that by being a Barca Fan, I am a part of history in the making. FC Barcelona is like what its slogan says: “More than a Club”. It has become a symbol of Catalan culture because it is the sports club that most represents the country and is also one of its greatest ambassadors. It has done numerous humanitarian efforts in its strategy to take a step further and become “more than a club around the world” as well. Not many clubs has this vision of wanting to be More to the world. I admire Barca so much for that.


Having said all of the above, to me the value of the shirt is a lot. More than the cost of the fabrics, the stitching, the printing, combine with the labor, transport, delivery, etc. The sentimental value of it can not be named a price. Because I am holding a piece of history that I will value more with time.


I will wear My Authentic FB Barcelona Shirt with pride!

(*just have to figure out where to wear them, though. ;p )


Diriku Pikiranku



Sara Bareilles – Gravity

I heard this song a few months ago on the radio, and I didn’t know the name of the song nor the singer. So I am left with a deep longing since.. Really,  I am not exaggerating.

This song gave me the chills. I literally pause when I heard this. The beautiful voice of the singer captivate me, and the lyrics is so beautiful, simple and honest..

“Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.”

This is the lyrics that really struck a chord in me. It stuck in my head ever since. I don’t know why? I can not say that I can relate to this lyrics.. I was not in love then and I am not in love now. But I have been in love.. and this song really reminds me of what it feels like to be in love. How it is liberating and frightening at the same time. How it makes you feel strong but yet vulnerable.

This song evoke those memories and make me remember..

It makes me miss being in love..

Love really is a wonderful thing..

I hope you enjoy the song and the lyrics like I do..

With Love. Diriku Pikiranku.

Sara Bareilles – Gravity


Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.


You hold me without touch.

You keep me without chains.

I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.


Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.

Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.

But you’re on to me and all over me.


You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.

When I thought that I was strong.

But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.


I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.

But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.

The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…

Something always brings me back to you.

It never takes too long.

Euforia Tim Nasional Indonesia

Baru aja nonton acara Metro TV tentang “Nasionalisme 2×45 Menit”. Di situ ada dianalisa tentang Euforia Timnas yang terjadi di Indonesia, pasca turnamen sepakbola AFF Cup 2010. Bagi yang belum tau (red:kemane aje? :P), performa tim sepakbola Indonesia yg mengesankan di AFF Cup 2010 benar-benar membangkitkan nasionalisme bangsa dan popularitas sepakbola Indonesia di mata masyarakat, bahkan dinilai menimbulkan semacam euphoria dimana Timnas Indonesia diperlakukan bak superstar oleh rakyat dan media. Bagi saya hal ini pun sangat membanggakan. Untuk pertama kali setelah sekian lama, rakyat Indonesia bersatu padu mendukung Timnas Indonesia atas nama Nasionalisme. Luar Biasa!

Ada analisa yang cukup menggelitik hati di acara Metro TV tadi. Disebutkan bahwa Euforia terhadap Timnas Indonesia ini terjadi karena masyarakat Indonesia sudah haus akan figure pahlawan yang bisa dijadikan role model di tengah-tengah bobroknya moral yang ditunjukkan oleh pemimpin dan elit politis saat ini. Ini memang penyakit bangsa Indonesia menurut saya. Bangsa kita selalu bertumpu pada figur, selalu mencari sosok untuk dijadikan panutan. Saat sosok tersebut melakukan kesalahan layaknya manusia, bangsa kecewa, dan pada akhirnya nasionalisme menguap begitu saja. Saat terjadi hal yang tidak sesuai harapan, sosok atau lembaga yang disalahkan.

“Salah Pak Presiden makanya saya tetap miskin, dari lahir ampe tua, ga kaya-kaya”

“Salah anggota DPRD makanya desa kami ga maju-maju”

For me, it is plain WRONG.

Dengan bertumpu pada satu sosok figur, kita menghindari tanggung jawab terhadap apa yang terjadi kepada kita maupun masyarakat sekitar kita. We relieve ourselves from being accountable for what happen to us, to our family, to our nation. And it is WRONG.

Diri kita masing-masing yang seharusnya bertanggung jawab terhadap apa yang terjadi kepada diri kita, kepada masyarakat, kepada bangsa. Individu-individu di Negara ini saling terhubung satu sama lain, membentuk komunitas yang pada akhirnya menjadi bangsa Indonesia. Apa yang terjadi di Indonesia adalah hasil dari puluhan tahun individu di Negara ini bersikap tidak perduli terhadap nilai-nilai hakiki yang dipegang oleh masyarakat yang adil dan makmur, yaitu kejujuran, integritas, dan kasih sayang yang diwujudkan dalam toleransi. WE ARE TO BLAME!

Tentu kita kecewa kalau presiden, aparat, atau politisi tidak melakukan tugasnya sebagaimana mestinya. Bahkan saya tonton di media, ada yang menulis puisi tentang Indonesia berjudul “Negara Para Bedebah”. Kita boleh marah, kecewa, teriak-teriak, but guess what? We put them there on the first place. Our VOTE (or lack of Vote for Golput’ers) put them there, in the government, in DPRD, in DPR, in Istana Negara. So WE ARE RESPONSIBLE. Jadi, Pak Adhie M. Masardi yang nulis puisi tentang “Negara Para Bedebah”, Anda 100% benar, kita semua Bedebah, termasuk juga Anda loh Pak. Udah tau tuh caleg atau capres bedebah kok ya dipilih. Atau udah tau betapa pentingnya PEMILU atau PILKADA kok malah ga peduli dan Golput, terus nanti teriak-teriak protes waktu hak-hak nya tidak dibela. Udah tau korupsi harus diberantas, eh kok masih nyogok?

Saya tidak bilang bahwa control masyarakat terhadap lembaga legislative atau eksekutif itu tidak perlu tapi kita harus sadari bahwa kita, baik langsung maupun tidak langsung, juga punya andil terhadap kekacauan yang terjadi di masyarakat. Berapa banyak dari kita yang menyaksikan korupsi namun diam saja seakan itu hal biasa? Berapa banyak dari kita yang mengeluh tentang kemiskinan tapi malas untuk kerja? Kita bertanggung jawab. That’s why we have to STOP BLAMING and START DOING SOMETHING.

Look around you, see what you can improve and then go out and do it.

YOU are the CHANGE that Indonesia Need.

If you are looking for a role model to look up to, see it in the Mirror.

It’s YOU. So Be One.

B.E. H.A.P.P.Y

Is it wrong in my age to just live in the moment and not think much about my future.. Coz I kinda enjoy it.. *wink  🙂

It’s not like I plan this to happen, I don’t program my self to be like this.. I spent most of my age hating comfort zone and always looking far ahead to where I want to be in the next 10-20 years. That was me.

But today, I’m like really enjoy looking around and focus much on my surrounding, friends, hobbies, and really just be ME in the present tense.. And not thinking much about ME in the future tense. I don’t know when this transformation happened and I kinda felt guilty sometimes.. Being my analytical self, I started to have questions.. Is this normal? For a person to change so much? Is it OK if I continue like this? Is this just like my way to justify my lack of passion and achievements? Is it because I’m running away from my problems? Because I’m afraid to chase my dreams?

I still don’t know the answers to all those questions swirling in my mind.. Cause the answer changes every second I think of it..



Not really.

It’s not like that.

Is that true?

Is that really how I feel or how I should feel?


At the end, I still haven’t came to a conclusion.. So, I think for now I’ll keep it simple and just do what makes me Happy at this very moment.. If sleeping makes me Happy, I’ll sleep all day.. If spending time with friends and writing makes me Happy, I’ll spend time doing just that.. No plans at all.. But I still gonna make time to think about this questions at least once a week, until I find the answer.. And I’ll pray everyday for GOD to eventually show me the right path to His Good Grace..

For now, I just want to BE HAPPY!  Cheers! *grin 😀

Happy Birthday to Me..

Wow, time definitely flies..

Without I realize, today is my second birthday in Bandung.. A city I love since my college years..even though familiar faces from my college days one-by-one left me alone in this city, but the fact remains.. I never regret my decision coming back here. In my solitude I learn a whole lot about my self, get to know my upside, but especially my downside.. Bandung is like my sanctuary, where I can think. Something that the busy, fast-paced city of Jakarta can’t provide. Maybe it’s not the city but the lack of familiar faces hence the decline in social activities which makes me have lots of time to be alone and reflects. Whatever it is, I feel a sense of peace that I didn’t quite get in Jakarta. I hope to retire here someday.. That will be a bliss.

Anyway, today is my birthday. Thus, I decided to vary from my usual bedtime at 10pm and stay up late to watch the clock ticks by towards 00.00 am on 25 September 2010, which would be the day I turn 20-something ( a secret :p). My purpose is no other than to think and reflect. I thought about my 20-something of existence. In what way have I grown? To what person have I become? In what things haven’t I changed at all?

My realization is not entirely pleasing. It has been a year of revelation for me. It’s through my years in Bandung that I realize my biggest weakness, which is my underlying character since adolescence is still haven’t been cured. The one thing that I thought I have put under control after I got older. My temper. I had long since realized that I was a fire-cracker. I snapped at the slightest irritation. It’s not a desirable trait, I know. That’s why I’ve been fighting it nearly forever. I’ve lost friends and loved ones because of it. Only a few of those people survive and still hanging tough. They are my families (no wonder right? :p) and my best friend. To them I’ll be forever grateful for they have made me a better person. I managed to have a tight leash on my temper when I’m at work or around familiar faces. But it’s here in my solitude, that I realize that the fight is far from over. But it is somewhat a good revelation, I think. I always believe the farther down you are, the more room you have for improvement. I am grateful that this eye-opener came at my 20-something age, not when I’m 30-ish or 40-ish where it would have been an acute disease and more difficult to cure. I turn to God and my loved ones for this, and it will be my Big resolution for my next birthday.  🙂

I realize also that I’m in another turning point in my life. I’ve realized my life mission that I have prolonged for sometime. I’ve been procrastinating a lot, focusing my energies not in the place that matters. I have not been living in alignment with my mission and my dreams. I’ve been sleepwalking my life away. Even after I realized my life mission and my goals, I still sometimes go back to my old self and my passive approach of live, living on a day to day basis, whatever will be will be, doing non-value added activities. It’s an ongoing self-development process, I think, to be able to consistently living in alignment with your purpose. That will be another of my resolution. I will invest more time on ME, on my purpose, on what matters.

On that note, I take a look at the clock… 58..59..60!

Happy Birthday Yuwana Stiani!!

May you always remember to reflect and learn from the passing years, and carry on with the determination and motivation to make the following years of your life better than the last.

Every breath you take is a gift from HIM. Make it matters.

“The purpose of life is not to be happy, but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, and to have made a difference” – Leo Rosten

“The greatest use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it” – William James

Things I’m Grateful for in My Life

Aku bersyukur pada Allah  SWT telah diberi kesempatan hidup di dunia, terlahir Islam, rahmat hidayah saat aku akil baligh, kesempatan mempelajari Al Quran, keteladanan Nabi Muhammad SAW, kepintaran, kesehatan, fisik yg sempurna, keluarga yang mencintai ku, rizki yg halal, dan segala berkah yang telah diberikan seumur hidupku. Allah SWT telah memberiku kehidupan dengan modal yang sangat cukup untuk selamat dunia dan akhirat. Sekarang semua tergantung aku untuk memanfaatkan dengan sebaik-baiknya segala modal yang diberikan-Nya untuk dapat digunakan di jalan Allah dan mengejar ridho-Nya

Aku bersyukur atas keluarga yg sempurna, Papa, Mama, dan Adek, yang mencintaiku dengan segala cara, memenuhi kebutuhan jasmani dan rohani ku tanpa cela, memberiku kesempatan untuk belajar apapun yg aku mau, memberiku keamanan dan ketentraman, senantiasa membela & mendukung ku tanpa ragu.

Aku bersyukur atas sahabat sejati yg telah dikirimkan-Nya. Yang senantiasa menyediakan waktu untuk ku. Selalu ada untuk aku. Aku percaya sahabat sejati adalah juga jodoh yang diberikan Tuhan. Aku bersyukur aku memiliki 1 orang yg aku dapat sungguh-sungguh sebut sebagai sahabat. My best friend, you know who you are. I sincerely thank you. I will forever try to be the best friend you deserve.

Aku bersyukur untuk atap di atas kepala ku, kamar kosan yang nyaman, tempat tidur yg empuk dan selimut tebal untuk menghangatkan di malam hari apalagi saat hujan deras, segala peralatan elektronik yang lengkap, mobil perusahaan yg dipinjamkan kepadaku, buku sebagai sarana ilmu, BB untuk berkomunikasi dan alat kerja, dan rumah keluarga yang senantiasa bisa menjadi tempat aku kembali apabila aku tidak mampu mandiri.

Aku bersyukur atas masa-masa SMP ku, tercebur di sekolah anak-anak borjuis Jakarta yang menilai orang lain hanya berdasarkan materi. Pengalaman tersebut, walaupun berat kala itu, menempa ku untuk menemukan jati diri ku, bahwa aku lebih dari sekedar seberapa banyak uang yang dimiliki orang tua ku, bahwa kepintaran dan semangat untuk melakukan yang terbaik adalah modal utama untuk bisa sukses di situasi seberat apapun. Berkat pengalaman itu, aku jadi percaya diri.

Aku bersyukur, atas pengalaman kerja di Bandung yang membuat aku menyadari kalau aku masih perlu banyak belajar. Bahwa aku tidaklah sepintar yang aku kira. Bahwa menerapkan suatu system membutuhkan kerja keras dan determinasi. Membuat aku berpikir ulang tentang tujuan hidup ku. Membuat aku keluar dari zona nyaman ku sehingga aku memiliki motivasi untuk berkembang.

Aku bersyukur masih bisa memiliki mimpi, yg tidak pudar meskipun pernah gagal di masa lalu. Bersyukur atas energy positif dan motivasi untuk senantiasa berjuang agar berhasil. Bagaimanapun nasibku ke kedepan, aku yakin bahwa Menyerah Bukanlah Pilihan. Semoga Allah SWT senantiasa memberikan yang terbaik.

Last but not least.. I am grateful that I am able to write again.

What are you grateful for?

A Moment of Reflection

I just realized something about me recently..

I realize I’ve been so caught up in my everyday problems that I simply forget to stop and take a good look at my life right now. I mean..

Hey.. Life is good, actually.

I’m healthy, I have a roof over my head, a stable job (however problematic it may seems).. A loving family, a beautiful city with clean air that I get to live in, a boss who is supportive, though sometimes gave me headaches..

In fact this afternoon, I get to see a real rainbow..just outside my room. How about that! I even took a picture of it.. I looked at it and just wowed.

Here..I’ll show you.

Great isn’t it? It looks better in reality, mind my poor photo-taking technique.

Anyway, I realized that this last few months I’ve been such a complainer. An egotistical one! I didn’t even realize I have that big of an ego. My ego it seems is SO BIG that I sweat and complaints on all the little stuff. Giving tantrum to all the people around me. The people I love got the most because they are around me most of the time. I even made Mom cry. I was such an idiot.

And for what? If I stop and stare at my life in this instance. Masya Allah.. God has given me so much.. And I always wants more.. more respect, more service, more politeness, more support, more love, more sensitivity, more..more..more for my Ego. Hell, I want to live in my dream world where everything is PERFECT the way I want them to be. There’s no way that will happen.

I forgot to just Be Grateful..

If I didn’t stop to take a look outside of my room window this afternoon, I wouldn’t have notice the rainbow soar beautifully to the blue sky. I wouldn’t have notice the gorgeous silhouette of mountains behind the sprawl of neighboring rooftops. I forgot how beautiful the scenery from my room here in Bandung. I forgot..

Sunset at my window. Notice the mountain silhouette at the back?

I forgot about all the little things that are beautiful, fulfilling, inspiring, enlightening that surrounded me. If only I focus my energy on those good stuffs instead of the bad, my life would’ve gotten even better.

You know.. Life is Perfect just the way it is..

Because Allah is Perfect with His plans..

My prayer to GOD before I go to sleep tonight is for forgiveness. Forgiveness for me and for everyone I cared about and let down.. And may God open their hearts to also forgive me for my mistakes.. I pray to Him, let me be a person who never let the gleam and troubles of the world blind her from the blessings she received.. to always be grateful for all the good and the bad. To always be in His light and His Mercy.. Amen.

“Every relationship is brought into our lives to teach you and to help you grow. Change is the nature of life, and ‘what was’ must pass away so that ‘what is’ has room to make your life brand new. When you become attached to a certain way of life, a part of you dies. To live fully and to BE fully alive cultivate a mind set of loving detachment and let life live you. When you do this, you will see the beauty in the small things, the fleeting nature of all life, and feel a deep sense of appreciation for everything in your life. Celebrate this new moment – whatever is may contain!”

To change I must first wholly accept the present moment.

This moment, as it is, is perfect.

(Mastin Kip)