I Love You Full Mom!

My Mom just visited me in Bandung.. I don’t know why, but even in my age of 20-something, I still get homesick.. especially with my mother.. I miss her a lot.. Like right now.. I miss her already.. 😦

It’s not that I am a spoiled kid.. I don’t think I am.. It’s just that, beside the constant love and affection, there are little things that she always do that is funny and amusing, and like what Javanese people say: “Ngangenin” (making you miss somebody).

Some of the things that “Ngangenin” about my mother are..

  • She never let go of her handbag. Not ever, unless me or my brother take her place and hold on real tight to the bag. 🙂 Maybe because she once almost lost her wallet to a pick-pocket, while trying to lift my sick toddler body inside a bus. She let go of her awareness once and focus on me, and it almost cost us the money to pay for my doctor. Luckily, the wallet was return to her after she bravely stand in front of everyone on the bus and demand that whoever it is that took the wallet to return it to her because she need to get me to a doctor. I admire her boldness.. 🙂
  • When we are in a restaurant.. She loves to try food but never finish it.. She ordered a couple of things on the menu, then only took 2 to 3 spoonful and she was done. Hence, left me or my brother to finish the meal.. Since I could never stomach much of it, my brother usually fulfilled the task for us. No wonder he is so plump now.. 🙂 But, both of us still willingly do it for her, just for the sake of seeing her happy..
  • She never stop praying in the car when I was in the driver seat. D’oohh.. I guess that said a lot about what she thinks of my driving ability.. ;p But I figure at the time, she had good reason to doubt me..hehe..
  • Whenever me or my brother break a promise to her, something bad happen.. I’m serious, It’s like a curse that kept us from being naughty. Like what happened to me last weekend, I promised to be back home at 9pm, but I stayed at the mall late, and guess what happened? My car broke down.. go figure! 🙂
  • She always does a 1 to 2 hour preach of advice every time I’ve done something bad.. At the time it was frustrating..but later on it was like an anchor to me to evaluate and improve my self. I once deliberately went to tell her about my wrongdoing, just to get her to knock the sense out of me..to get me off that road permanently. But now, I would think twice before I do that since I’m afraid it will increase her blood pressure.. ;p
  • She loves to buy her kids things but always think twice or trice before buying herself things..and in most cases, she usually end up not buying. That’s why now, when I have my own income, I like to buy her things that she loves, even when she never ask for anything.. It’s worth it to see the glow in her eyes..

Those are some of the things that I will always miss about my mother.. No matter how old I get.. I’m sure all of you have your own version of things you miss of your mother.. Just don’t forget to show your mother how much you love her..even if you think they already know. 🙂

A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. ~Tenneva Jordan

I Love You Full Mom! 🙂


Go on and Fly Boy..

When I hear this lyric..it just clicks with what I’m feeling right now..with you..

So..this song is for you..

If you need some time, I don’t mind. I don’t hold on to the tail of your kite..

Go on and Fly, Boy..

Sleeps with Butterflies – Tori Amos


Take you away again

Are you flying

Above where we live

Then I look up a glare in my eyes

Are you having regrets about last night

I’m not but I like rivers that rush in

So then I dove in

Is there trouble ahead

For you the acrobat

I won’t push you unless you have a net

You say the word

You know I will find you

Or if you need some time

I don’t mind

I don’t hold on

To the tail of your kite

I’m not like the girls that you’ve known

But I believe I’m worth coming home to

Kiss away night

This girl only sleeps with butterflies

With butterflies

So go on and fly then boy


Look good from on the ground

I fear with pins and needles around

We may fall then stumble

Upon a carousel

It could take us anywhere

I’m not like the girls that you’ve known

But I believe I’m worth coming home to

Kiss away night

This girl only sleeps with butterflies

With butterflies

With butterflies

So go on and fly boy

At Least I Have Tried..

I don’t know why, but I always get the urge to write when I’m sad.. Especially when heartbroken.. It seems to me writing could be an output to overflowing of emotions, usually sadness.. That way I could reach that state of emotional balance again..to be whole again..not crumbling inside like this. Oh well then, let me just take advantage of it while it last..


……… I’m just lost for words right now.


Let’s just say.. I fell for someone..a good friend of mine.. I gave it a go.. and I failed.

It’s hard.. cause for me to be able to open myself to love again is not easy, let alone to try and do something about it. And.. Like after every failure, my subconscious mind started to analyze and question things..

Mind:Why are u always fall for you friend..why not somebody new, who you don’t have history with..it will be a lot more easier to leave behind when it’s not working, right?

Heart: “Cause I can’t fall for a stranger.. I need to know him well for sometime before I trust him..let alone love him.. I just can’t do that.. He has to be my friend first, before anything else..”

Mind: “You know damn well that he’s not that into you and thinks of you only as his friend, so why continue anyway? You could prevent something like this from happening, right?

Heart: “I can not want something and not do anything about it. However impossible it may seems, I rather try and fail, than be at the agony of not knowing, just thinking ‘what ifs’. If I could do it all over again, I would do the same. That’s just the way I am.. I guess..”

And with that, my mind rest.. I hope.. ;p My stubborn heart always came up with answers that are sometimes illogical, but will never alter.. because they represent ME. As foolish as I maybe..

Source: www.deviantart.com/deviation/

So.. now, what’s left to do is just to move on..

I’m going to look forward, and not regretting yesterday..  🙂

Thus, the menus for this beautiful Monday are:

  • Work like Hell at the office. Like this quote I found this morning on Tweeter: “Love conquers all, but if love doesn’t do it, try hard work.” –Anonymous
  • Work out the rest of my energy at the gym.. Just wear them off on treadmill.. :p
  • All the while, listening to sad love songs on my Winamp… Jennifer Paige – Beautiful, Bellefire – Can’t Cry Hard Enough, Lionel Ritchie – Can’t Get Over You, Colbie Caillat – I Never Told You. Jennifer Love Hewitt – Couldn’t Find Another Man… Huhuhuhuhuhu… Hiks..Hiks..

Tetap semangat Yoan!! Remember.. No Regrets! Jiaiyoooo!! Go..Go..Go…

Have a Good Monday Morning everyone! 🙂

Things I Love Monday..

26 October 2009

Hei..hei.heiiii… I’m back… I’m back.. in this new edition of Things I Love Monday!

Semoga minggu ini gw lebih produktif ya Bok..jadi tulisannya ga Things I Love Monday meluluuu..like what my friend, Elin, said.. De ja Vu.. hehe.. (Bad Blogger! Bad Blogger! ;p)

Oke. My pick of the things I Looooove for the past week is..

  • Another victory from my favorite team in Barclays Premier League, Liverpool crushed Manchester United yesterday 2-0. Yipppiieeeee!! And Torres scored the opening goal.. I’m so happy I can’t stop smilling.. Thank you ESPN for bringing it LIVE yesterday!

Here is the preview of Liverpool vs Manchester United (2-0) 25 October 2009:

  • Try a new look for my BLOG.. Yes, this blog’s theme has changed in case you haven’t notice.. How do you like it?? 🙂 I try a more simple look with white background and a new picture for my header. This picture was taken by my friend and favorite photographer: Faisal Reza. He’s the BEST photographer I know, and you can see more of his work here. (tuh..Sol..sesuai janji.. gw promosiin abis daahh.. Thanks for letting me use your photo for free Man.. It was so kind of you.. 🙂 )

A little note about my header picture.. It’s a view from the dock in Ujung Kulon where we went with our friends last year. That dock hold a special place in my heart since I love to sit there in the afternoon..just in silence..looking at the sea. And at night we all sit there quietly just watching the stars.. There was a lot of stars that night..fresh air..no pollution.. Hhhhh… I miss the place already. That dock really represent what this blog is all about to me.. A place where I could sit in silence with my thoughts..pour my mind out into writing..and just be ME. Diriku..Pikiranku.. (Duuh..kok jadi curhat.. mulai ngelantur niih..maap.. moving on..)

  • My anti-social mood. This past week I just love to stay at home and just be alone.. I know I should not be this way.. I should mingle.. go out with friends.. But I just got tired with all the noise.. It is nice sometime to be able to just be alone..and enjoy my aloneness.. Very happy..  🙂
  • Found another Great Role Model: Greg Mortenson. A great humanitarian, who risked it all to go back to the impoverished Pakistan Village in the Karakoram Mountains and delivered his promise of building a school to the people who once saved his life. Over the next decade, he managed to built not only one but fifty-five schools in remote villages across Pakistan and Afghanistan. A great and inspiring story.. A story of a person who live for something higher than self.

You can read his story in the book “Three Cups of Tea”.. I hope you will be inspired as I am.. Enjoy.. 🙂

source: http://www.threecupsoftea.com/

Well.. I guess that’s all for now People. Got to get my beauty sleep.

See u soon..

I Am Afraid..

Love is Scary..

Love make you stop and wonder..

“Is this really ‘it’? or is it just another silly feelings?”

“Am I being brave by taking chances..or just plain stupid..?”

“Do I really love him..or just love my image of him..of us..?”

It’s very hard to be logical when your heart beat faster with each remembrance..When his face pops out in your head on every quiet moments.. When you feel quite content with longing..while you can’t even describe or define what is it about him that makes you feel this way?

Should I runaway and hide.. or should I stay and fight for it?

How I wish to have an accurate formula for this problem and not relying solely on gut feeling.. I am not a ‘player’ at all.. I have test the water and it’s not very nice.. I may have zero chance in this but I want to try anyway..

I have run almost my whole life.. I wonder what will happen if I go against the odds this time? I know I want to do it.. I want to take my chances this time.. Be brave enough this time..

Hey You.. If you’re reading this..

I’m building my courage.. Though I’m still scared and don’t know If I ever going to pull it off in the end..

I’m planning to say.. I love you.. Please be nice if you don’t feel the same..

“To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don’t want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.” -Veronica-

Pictures from: blaine.org

About Me.. My Thoughts.. My Dreams..